My thoughts on God

I think my attitude towards Catholicism has changed a lot in the last few years. Back in high school I was more dedicated, I would pray every night for about 10 minutes before bed and go to church because I felt like I had to and those that claimed that they were Catholic but didn't go to church every week I would wonder why they even bothered calling themselves that.

Now I admit my views on religions is not as black and white. It used to be 'Hey, follow these specific set of rules and I'll guarantee you'll get a spot in heaven.' Now the rules seem less significant. I'm not talking about the Golden Rule but the kind that tell you to go to church every week, confess your sins to the priest and you'll be absolved, even something as mandatory as making the sign of the cross before prayer. It all seems more trivial to me now. And there are so many views the Catholic Church has I do not agree with, and I just find the reasoning so stupid that I feel like if God could speak he'd agree that yeah, they are stupid and find it embarrassing they'd use his name behind it.

My relationship with God has changed. I don't fear him anymore, I talk to him more often in my head throughout the day like a friend than I did reciting prayers to what felt like distant being who was watching and judging my every move. When I feel like I've done something wrong I ask Him straight up to forgive me. Even when I pass the altar when people kneel respectfully, I'd instead give it a wink or a knowing nod or my signature pointing with two hands move (subtly of course haha). During church I'd just blank out and be bored, and I'd imagine God sitting there next to me thinking how much the organ drags out and also hoping the pointless mass would end sooner. He's the kind of cool guy who just wants you to be happy and make others happy. Yeah, this could be a phase, it may not be the kind of God that I'm told to worship but it's the God that I feel is in my heart.

Wow, this turned into a serious kinda blog. Sorry I bored you with this topic.